Despite the Autumn boldness of painting my door from the coral of the old owners to it's beautiful purple crown, I'm still finding it hard to believe this home which was once just a dream is now very much a reality. 

As such I'm having a hard time putting things up on
 the wall and painting  partly because of winter truly 
setting in but most of it stems from resistance and
 years of being focused on not putting too much 
wear and tear on the walls so I can get back a deposit. 

This week I decided to break out and paint a chalkboard wall.
Not a full wall but enough for homeschooling in the room we've dubbed the 'learning library".   

I bought supplies, set up to do it and stood with paint
brush in hand when my friend Resistance came to join me 
What if I do it wrong and damage the wall, what if I don't paint 
it straight, what if I don't like it…what if, what if, what if…

"It's okay," I say aloud to myself as I brushed the primer on the wall, "I trust I can do this and if I don't like it I can always paint it differently."

I remember how similar my thoughts were when I 
first decided to home school (what if I can't teach him, 
what if he doesn't learn, what if we don't like it 
what if, what if, what if)

Yet I didn't let that stop me because in my gut I knew this 
would be the best thing for my son's learning journey.  
And now here I am shifting, learning growing and trusting 
the process for both of us.  

I brushed the first coat of chalkboard paint on thinking how much this experience of resistance matches the resistance I feel as I grow Goddess Tea House (what if no one reads what I write, what if no one likes what I do, what if I can't balance homschooling and running a business, what if, what if, what if). 

Yet here I am sharing this vulnerable piece of me with 
you continuing to show up and grow and shift and trusting 
this process too.  

I brushed the wall with the second coat of chalkboard paint 
and I felt my shoulders relax.  Stepping back, I see I may need 
a third coat but I'm happy with how it's turning out so far.  I'm happy with how our home school journey is going, having 
given myself permission to do it the way that works best for 
both my son and myself.  

I'm happy with the direction Goddess Tea Hose is going 
knowing I can change it any time I want to and it will be 
totally okay.  I feel the resistance fade into the background.  
How amazing is it that working through my resistance to one
thing freed me from resistance to something else?


I feel myself moving one step closer to the 'me' I am meant to be.