Embracing the Shadow

I was fairly young when most of the alcoholism and
spousal abuse took place and though I know better
now, I always felt more responsible for things
than I really was.   By the time I was a teenager,
I was full of rage at both of my parents; my father
for making my home such a scary place to live and
my mother for staying.

And I felt a deep seated anger with myself as if
I could have done something to prevent the abuse.

This is where I started on my journey to
embrace my shadow stories.

After several counseling sessions, self help books and
deep sharing sessions with friends,I learned to forgive myself;
for not knowing the right thing to do
for not being or acting (fill in the blank) enough to get my
father to stop drinking so much and stop beating my mom.
 
I worked very long and hard with my inner child to let her know
she was safe, protected, valued and loved and there was no reason
for her to hold on to the pain of seeing that abuse any longer. 

But I still felt stuck in some of the same old patterns
even though I knew they were not what was in
my highest good.

A couple of years ago I discovered the tool I use today
Satori, the Radical Forgiveness game.

It is one of the most powerful tools in my medicine bag
and has literally changed my life. 

My first experience playing Satori was very unnerving. 
Through this 'game', I was supposed to just trust God/Goddess/All That Is
would to get to the heart of the matter that needed the healing
power of forgiveness?

There was so much!  How could I possibly
look back at all of it and pick just one?

Besides, it was going to hurt!

But holding on to past hurts is damaging.
Its like a wound filled with dirt and grit.
I had to clean it out thoroughly before I could
put ointment and bandages on it. 

I knew in my heart and head I needed to free the
bound energy in order to move forward.

Satori is like cleaning out a heart wound.
It did hurt to clean out my heart and as I cleaning it
there were tears.  But I've learned tears can be healing

Through this game, I had the opportunity to tell my story
and express my feelings, to say the things
I couldn't as a kid, and have the shadow parts of my
story witnessed and acknowledged in a safe environment. 
And afterward, I didn't have to invest any more energy in the
past.

I played the game and experienced a sacred transformation.

I was tender for several days and had to tend to myself gently
as my heart started to heal. But I felt better than I had in years.

And I was able to forgive my dad for his shadow.

I try to remember to play Satori regularly...call it good
energetic hygiene.

Even though I know it's healing power,
I still struggle with making time to use it.

But I keep going back to it and offering my services as Game mistress
to anyone who seem to have a hard time making peace with their
shadow stories. 

If you would like more information on how to schedule a
game, please feel free to contact me. I'd love to help
you move your stuck energy.