Grief~the view from here

Dear Cinnamon beings,
20 months ago my world was turned upside down when my mom died
on August 17, 2009. 
My heart was cracked open leaving me with a gut wrenching pain that did diminish very slowly only through the grace of time.  And there are still moments that catch me by surprise like my mom's birthday this year. 
Looking back at the letter I wrote below gives me a deeper perspective.  Even though I've still a long way to go, I'm filled with gratitude for how far I've come in this second year.

June 18, 2010
Dear Mom,
10 months...you've been gone for 10 months.  Time has moved on and I'm finally starting to feel 'normal' instead of feeling as though I've been sliced open and left with my bones exposed. 
And yet I'm not 'normal' at all. I'm still hypersensitive feeling left out, desperately reaching out to re-root myself..trying with all the power in my head to convince myself I'm not really left out and continually seeking out new ways to occupy my time. 
I'm learning to crochet and knit, spending a lot of time in the garden.  Anything that keeps my hands busy and slows the racing in my mind allows my heart to heal.  And eventually I'll get used to the pain being there. I'm getting better...slowly but surely I am getting better.
I love you~
D

---