Winging It

I have no idea what I'm doing.

Dear Effy (one of the many in blog world who in my opinion hangs the moon) said she wanted to do a blog along and my heart and fingers said 'yes' before my brain could kick in and shut the whole thing down.  

In fact the more I thought about it the more I wanted to back out.

What the heck could I possibly have to write about every day for the next 30 days?  

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I'm still pretty old school keeping my most tender bits to myself but this blog along feels like 
something that will really stretch me in a good way, ya know?  

So for the next 30 days I'm winging it and letting the Muses guide my heart and words 
in the way they need to flow.  The most important thing I want to remember is that I have 
permission to share whatever comes up, to not censor myself so much...to really allow you 
to see me in a different light or maybe just in a more full light.  

So with that in mind and to honor the changing of the seasons, I'll start with gratitude.

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I have the great pleasure and privilege of homeschooling my son.  And for this experience I am finding 
more and more things to be grateful for.

I didn't come to homeschooling willingly.  In fact until a couple of years ago I would have described 
myself as a reluctant homeschool mom.  I had every intention of sending my son off to school.  And 
with my daughter entering high school (my daughter and son were born on the same day 12 years apart)
I could use the time to focus what I wanted to do when I grew up.

But my son's Pre-K experience would change all that. 

My son was delayed in speaking and even when he did start talking, it took a lot of patience to decode
what he was saying.  That was all fine and good while he was at home but once he got into a class with 
his age group, kids of course began teasing him for his speech.  

It got to the point where he would keep his backpack on and wait by the door for my husband or me to 
pick him up.  He was miserable and I found I was spending more and more time with the Pre-K teacher
telling me there was something wrong with my son.  He was sullen, stand offish and didn't want to interact
with the other kids.  

On a break I found out the reason for his behavior; he was being picked on about his speech during their free 
time and the kids were bullying my son telling him because his daddy is white that wasn't his real daddy.   

That sealed the deal for me.  I knew I would homeschool my son and we are near the beginning of our second grade year.  Because of the speech delay, I chose to work through kindergarten level twice while getting him 
speech therapy to develop the 'missing' letter sounds and blends.

I'm so grateful I did because allowing him to develop that and supporting his learning where he was rather than 
where he 'should have been for his age' has made all the difference for him AND for me.  

It hasn't been easy and I've had to and continue to do work on myself to develop the power to stand on my own
and create the foundation of support for him where he is.  I've had to learn what the best rhythm is for us and be super clear about what I want the end result of our homeschooling time to look like.  And I've had to learn to apply more love to myself and him when he's struggling or when he's pushing my buttons.  And I've learned how to take
decisive action on his behalf.

No the journey here hasn't been easy....but it has been completely worth it.